Attorney Sam Announces That The Massachusetts Criminal Justice System Is Fixed

It was an incredible day yesterday. I went to various locations doing my thing and learned that, apparently, everybody had been reading the Boston Criminal Lawyer Blog and actually taking it to heart!

I should have known something was up when I went to drop off my son at school. Walking to my car, I noticed a fairly portly young man. He had been running, and I saw that his wallet had fallen from his pocket. He saw it. I saw it. So did the three athletic-types running behind him.

He nervously looked down at it, but one of the kids behind him got to it first.

I looked over to the side of the road. There, a police officer stood watching.

“Oh great!” I am already running late and now I am going to witness a Marblehead robbery !”

That did not happen, though. The largest kid picked up the wallet and handed it young Mr. Portly and said, “Hey, you dropped this.”

Mr. Portly thanked him, and they went on their different ways.

I stopped the kid who picked up the wallet and told him that was a nice thing to do. He looked at me somewhat confused and said, “But anything else could have been…well…bullying! That would be wrong!”

One of the other large boys ran over to the police officer to offer him a donut. The officer smiled and patted the boy on the head.

So, on I went to a Tewksbury probation violation hearing.

Probation was seeking to surrender my client because he had been re-arrested when the complainant in his original assault case called the police and said he was outside her window, breaking the court’s stay away order.

Before I could even open my mouth, though, Judge April Bunny asked the probation officer why he was seeking to surrender my client based only on an accusation…of which my client was actually presumed innocent.

“Hm. Good point”, said the probation officer. “You are right, Judge. Highly unconstitutional. Please forget I even brought it up and we hope that the probationer will pardon the inconvenience.”

My client and I got out of there before they could change their minds. Besides, I still had to go to handle an interview in an ongoing Boston white collar investigation.

Days earlier, before retaining me, my client had already spoken to the detective. It was now time to undo any damage she may have done. Or try to, that is.

When I got to the interview and met my client, the detective greeted us with surprise.

“I am not sure why you guys are here.” he said.

“I thought you wanted to interview my client about that missing $350,000,050.”

“Oh, didn’t she tell you? We spoke already. I thought she understood. I told her at the onset I only wanted her side of things and she could go home and we could close our case.”


“She told us her side of things, she went home and we closed our case. What do you think…I would lie to her?”

“But all that money…”

“It is still missing….but, hey, a deal’s a deal!”

On my way home, I was amazed to turn on the radio and hear the news. It explained how this blog has quickly become one of the fastest growing blogs in the country and is now mandatory daily reading for all prosecutors, police officers and judges.

No only that, but Santa Claus had just won the nomination from his party, “The Compassionate Party” for the upcoming presidential election.

Attorney Sam’s Take On Reality

Ok, so maybe yesterday did not really go like that.

Perhaps I am merely taking advantage of the date to remind you how the system does not work.

Or…maybe I am not even writing this at all.

In any event, it if you do get accused of a crime or are being investigated, you should still retain an experienced criminal defense attorney as soon as possible. If you do not…the results might not be funny at all!

If you would like to discuss a criminal matter with me, a serious attorney who just wanted to let you know that the weather is not the only one who appreciates “April Fool’s Day”, please feel free to call me to arrange a free initial consultation at 617-492-3000.

Have a great, safe and law-abiding weekend!

As always, thanks for reading. SBG

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